How to Talk So Others Will Listen

As most of us know, talking and listening don't go smoothly every time. Emotions and past experiences can often get in the way.

Will people take you seriously, believe what you say, listen to and respect your opinions, and hear you out without interrupting? A lot depends on the actual person. Some people are easy to talk to, some are great listeners, and some are harder to approach. Sound familiar? If you are reading this, you can probably think of a person with each of the previous listening styles.

The good news is this- Some of what happens depends on you, too. Since communication is a two-way street, the way you talk can influence how well a person listens and understands you.

So here are some quick and simple guidelines to consider when speaking to others:

Be clear and direct. Be as clear as you can about what you think, feel, and want. Give details that can help others understand your situation. They can listen better or be more helpful if they understand what you mean and what's really going on.

Be honest. If you're always honest, others will be likely to believe what you say. If you sometimes hide the truth or add too much drama, people will have a harder time believing what you tell them. If you lie, they'll find it hard to trust you.

Try to understand their point of view. If you have a disagreement, can you see the other persons' side? If you can, say so. Telling others you understand their views and feelings helps them be willing to see yours, too.

Try not to argue or whine. Using a tone that's friendly and respectful makes it more likely others will listen and take what you say seriously. It also makes it more likely that they'll talk to you in the same way. Of course, this is hard for any of us when we're feeling heated about something. If you think your emotions might get the better of you, do something to blow off steam before talking: Go for a run. Cry. Listen to music. Do whatever it takes to sound calm when you need to.
What If This Doesn't Work?

Others won't always see things your way and you won't always get what you want. They might listen respectfully, understand your point of view, and do everything you need except agree. It can be hard to take no for an answer. But gracefully accepting a no can help you get more yeses in the future.

What if it's more than just saying no to something, though? What if you really need your someone to be there for you but they can't? Some people have troubles of their own. Others just can't be available in the ways their you may need and deserve. Others have a hard time being flexible.

If you can't talk to a specific person, seek out others you can trust. Find another friend who will listen, understand, encourage, believe in you, and care. Then follow all the tips above to get the most from your conversation with that person.